If a perilous and unpredictable S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G expedition beckons, you can bet your Stüssy baseball caps on it that our intrepid group of Petheads will almost certainly be there!

Their zany exploits in pursuit of the Pets have taken them half-way around the globe. Whether it's braving sub-zero temperatures in Russia, navigating their way through Madrid without a map, or smuggling a bag of dodgy underwear into a concert in Germany, it is evident that these missions are not for the faint-hearted.

This website presents files never before released to the general public. Photos and reports uncovered by our agents on their many, many missions, have been retrieved from the dingy vaults of Pets Files HQ and are made available here, for the first time ever.

Of course, this is by no means an exhaustive collection. Security (and space!) prevents us from publishing the complete set of files and at all times we have taken great care to ensure that our agents' identities remain a closely-guarded secret.

However, if you do wish to find out more about our agents, you can access their individual dossiers by clicking on the links below. But beware: bubblewrap and bottom-biting abound!

Agent "Buttocks"

Read all about her infatuation with bubblewrap and Nicholas Parsons! Learn all about her TV career and, most importantly, find out the truth about those dodgy News of the World pics! "Oh, the shame of it!" as Neil Tennant himself might have said.

Agent "Doris"

Read all about Doris's dodgy driving (as experienced by Dainton) and discover the shocking truth behind Doris's empty wallet! Also, why did a drunken Doris insist on wearing a pair of curtains? All is revealed here......

Agent "Pinkski"

Ooooh, ducky. Find out which famous stargazer "Pinkski" once made "a CUP of TEA" for (clue: it isn't Edmund Halley), place your bets on her next hair colour and (and!) discover what she saw Chris Lowe doing outside a London club.